


All This and Heaven Too

by secretly_a_savior



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 05:46:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4552956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretly_a_savior/pseuds/secretly_a_savior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sequel to "Tighten Up"</p><p>After Tony revealed his feelings to Bucky after a series of flings, Bucky left him with harsh words.<br/>Bucky soon discovers just how wrong he was- but it may be too late to apologize.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. If I Only Knew How

**Author's Note:**

> (: A happy ending to Tighten Up, which was very heartbreaking and left poor Tony a mess lmfao.  
> This can be read standalone but the previous can be found here (and it works much better in context of the previous fic lmfao) : http://archiveofourown.org/works/4517958
> 
> also i suck @ ending things poignantly so whatever

James Buchanan Barnes felt like a  _ **jackass.**_ The biggest jackass on the planet, actually, and it you asked any of Tony Stark's acquaintances they'd probably agree. What was it he said? He struggled to remember now, he was clouded by  _anger_ and near-disgust at the time, but it was something along the likes of " _You're a selfish asshole- an impulsive one, at that. You put yourself in the spotlight **constantly** and you sleep around like nobody's business. You act like some high and mighty hero- like you're hot shit, but you don't know what it's like to be a hero. To truly _ ** _fight for something._ " **

Oh- wait. That _is EXACTLY_  what he said.

The words kept running through his head as he sad in the obnoxiously neat and clinical hospital's hallway. Tony Stark was  **very much** still an asshole,  **very much still** impulsive too- but selfish? He really couldn't say that anymore. He also  _ **really**_ couldn't say that Tony Stark wasn't a hero. It was irritating, really. Tony was  _his_ hero now and every part of him screamed about how  _ **wrong**_ that was. Tony and Bucky hadn't actually spoken in four weeks- there were quips exchanged and a too-intense argument about what movie was playing in the common room, but otherwise it was a hardcore game of avoidance. Tony had  _actually_ rigged FRIDAY to tell him when James was approaching the lab or in the hall so he could take a detour. 

That really made Bucky think Tony hated him- which he had every right to. In fact, they hated one another even before they started fucking- they fought _constantly,_ only slowing down for a mission or so Tony could concentrate on fixing Bucky's mechanical prosthetic. He quickly discovered more than anything that Tony- if anything- hated  _ **himself;**_ took Bucky's words to heart. At first that didn't upset Bucky too bad on the account that he believed his own words. Stark had no idea what Bucky's been through- he was  _ **disrespectful-**_ he'd seen the tapes, read the papers. He didn't want to be involved- especially not romantically- in the human tornado that was Tony Stark.Now he missed it all though, the crude jokes, the honesty. Everyone else treated Bucky like a charity case and held him with kid gloves. Tony was never afraid to be a bit abrasive- to treat Bucky just the same as everyone else despite his past. He missed that a lot now as he continued to deal with everyone putting him on a bubble-wrapped pedestal.

He watched from afar- Tony's drinking got worse, he got more impulsive. The only thing he really focused on was  _work._ Bucky decided once to visit the lab and say _something_ , but ran into Rhodey, who came around sometimes just to remind Tony to drink a glass of  _ **water**_ or to eat once in a while, and got discouraged- Tony probably never wanted to see him again, right? Tony didn't actually see much of anybody; the engineer was convinced he was totally unlovable- and even if that wasn't the case: he was toxic- right? He didn't want to hurt anyone else. He came out for the press, or when the team needed him, but otherwise he'd been keeping totally to himself. 

Leave it to Tony Stark to ignore explicit orders and then take unkind, adrenaline fueled words from a broken man- one still integrating into contact with people- to heart. 

So he was already sort-of regretting his words, but this?  **This** set it over the edge for him- not just into regret but into realization. He missed Tony Stark totally. Not just the great sex, not just the rude jokes. His laugh, his smile, the fights, the way his hands were calloused from working with his hands, his bad habits, his good habits, his beautiful mind. He was in  **love** with Tony- and he fucked that one right up. He seemed to do that a lot recently- even his relationship with Steve was on the rocks. Sure- the Winter Soldier left (although, unfortunately he returned in fits and spurts)- but did the old Bucky ever come back? No one really knew, and James' new angry tendencies, his near constant distance, it frustrated everyone. (He himself included.) That just made his newfound need for a relationship that he'd already ruined  _that much worse._ **  
**

A nurse pulled him out of his thoughts. "Uhm, sir?" she asked, her voice nervous yet courteous. Bucky stood, turning to face her.  "Mr. Stark is in stable condition... but he doesn't want to see anybody." she said apologetically, stepping back as she looked up at the 6 foot super soldier. He nodded with pursed lips. 

"Thank you, ma'am." he said with a curt nod, sitting back down, leaving her to her duties. 

He wasn't going to leave- not until he'd at LEAST gotten to apologize to the genius for being so reckless. Had he been reckless, or had Tony? He wasn't actually sure- he was a little bit **angry** at Tony's actions as well- but then again Tony could look at him strange and he'd be up in arms- it was a strange dynamic. Whatever the case- Bucky wanted to apologize, he needed _**any**_ excuse to speak to the mechanic; not to mention: Tony got shot, he could be angry after he recovered. Bucky was brought in as Tony's back-up on a simple espionage mission. (Neither of them were too keen on that idea- but both had specific skill sets that were very much needed.) Tony went in, all dressed up for a large party at what was _believed to be_ a financier for what was left of HYDRA and co's home, and Bucky was lookout- kept a rifle trained on the target just in case they picked up on Tony's game. Bucky's job was also to keep the suit  _just_ close enough to Tony to call it without issue- in case of a real emergency. It turned out sending Bucky as the only back up was a  **bad** idea. There were in fact a series of snipers along all of the roof, and backup in the ducts to deal with Tony's backup- there was in fact a hit planned on Anthony Edward Stark that night. So- instead of alerting SHIELD, Bucky decided to be the  _hero._ That'd  **show Tony,** right? Tony'd stop hating him... right? 

He successfully and silently took out quite a few potential assailants. He fell though- which sent the entire mission to shit. He was up in the rafters when he was  _barely_ grazed by a hollow-point bullet from someone he hadn't noticed. He fell, conveniently or not, right to Tony's feet. As he was standing and Tony was attempting to call the suit- which was compacted so it could be carried easily by Bucky- guns were suddenly pulled  **left and right,** pointed every-which-way. One from above  _clicked_ and Tony was no  **doctor-** at least, not a medical doctor- but he knew a bullet right through the throat would kill Bucky, super-serum or not your brain still needs  _air_ to function.  So, just as the suit was finally unfolded and  _started_ to make it's way to Tony, Tony flung himself around Bucky and pushed as hard as he could, taking the bullet  _right in the shoulder._

The suit wrapped around him and kept him stable long enough to assist Bucky in killing the bad guys and getting out- but once they got back to the tower and he disarmed himself there was blood  _everywhere, **and** a _bullet lodged in the hollow between his shoulder and his collarbone. He was rushed to the hospital- no one too sure if he was going to make it- because he tried to save Bucky. Or- successfully saved Bucky, actually. 

After a night of waiting, reflecting, and three different affirmations that Tony  _ **didn't**_ want to see him- he went home, head full of thoughts he wasn't totally sure he was ready to confront. Could he ever make it up to Tony Stark? He hadn't even  _apologized_ yet and Tony still took a bullet for him. 

He sent flowers as soon as he got back to the tower- 'I'm sorry' flowers, not 'I love you' flowers.

Bucky he wasn't totally sure they didn't convey the same message- and wasn't sure he minded.


	2. Part two; Tony; Prayers and Proclamations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops there was supposed to be two but i need to add another chapter but that'll be very soon i promise ily all

Tony actually took a while to recover on the account that he somehow convinced the hospital staff that he should be sent home. He was  _fine_ damnit! Just write him a few prescriptions and he'd be better in no time. He'd had a rough couple nights, really. They took the bullet from his shoulder but due to all the blood loss and a minor infection they really couldn't use any synthetic flesh regeneration. So he was holed up in the hospital; he  _ **hated**_ hospitals- and he really didn't feel like  **visitors** would help him out . Really he was trying to push everyone away again- he'd gone so deep into hiding in his lab he was pretty sure that when he came back out nobody would want him. He shook that thought from his mind and fiddled with the tight wrap on his shoulder.

 _Took a while_ was an understatement as he  **still** hadn't recovered. BUT; he was home. That's where he wanted to be- and if it meant taking three antibiotics, two pain pills and a muscle relaxer every six hours and sleeping fitfully on the cot in his lab then that's what it meant. A vase of nearly-wilting flowers sat on his makeshift bedside table, and so did his phone. There were about two hundred notifications from everyone but he  _really didn't check._ He was doing a pretty good job of dodging all of his concerned friends; he didn't want them to worry. He was actually worrying about one of them.

Well, no. He was worrying about himself-  _how selfish-_ in the eyes of one of them. He'd gotten the flowers from Bucky and a few other things. A note and lunch left outside his door, among other things. Really- he was confused and a bit frustrated. Bucky didn't  **owe** Tony anything- Tony saved his life because he was a  _teammate_ and that's  _what teammates are supposed to do._ Not because of lingering feelings- not because he'd rather die then live in a world without Bucky Barnes. That was  _far too dramatic. (_ To be fair, though,  **far too dramatic** was Tony's style.) So did this mean Bucky was willing to reconcile? Did this mean the other felt bad? Tony wasn't sure he'd ever have the balls to figure it out. 

And even if he ever figured it out; he told himself he was  **done** with love- really he was. He fell too hard and it always seemed he did  **something** to fuck it up. He and Pepper had decided that maintaining a relationship was  _not only_ unprofessional- but much too high maintenance. There had been dates- but none of them really evolved into anything more than just that- a date. When he fell for Bucky he was  _ **positive**_ there was something there and now he's  _ **positive**_ he's lost his touch. He just doesn't  _get_ people anymore- and Bucky or not it wasn't like those were the  _first time_ he'd been called any of those things. Hearing it from someone who he- at the time- was totally infatuated with just  _ **cemented it.**_

He was also  _done_ with the bandaging on his shoulder- it prevented him from working to the best of his ability and the pressure made his whole arm fall asleep sometimes. FRIDAY was advising him it was a  **bad idea** to remove the gauze but he overrode and used a craft blade to cut it, unraveling it easily. Okay- maybe it  **was** a bad idea; now it  _ **hurt.**_ Quite badly, actually. He curled in the cot in the corner and started to breathe deeply- had he taken his medication's recently? Maybe not, he didn't remember and asking FRIDAY was the  _furthest_ thing from his mind. Was there a bone affected? Why wasn't there a plaster-cast, _what the fuck?  Why does this hurt so bad?_ Actually- come to think of it, everything ached. 

The answer was  _ **no.**_ He most definitely hadn't taken his medications in four doses- and the only thing that had stopped him from feeling just how  **bad** the wound was was the pressure from the tight bandages. He rushed over to the table- jaw clenched tight as he held his shoulder- and grabbed his bottle of pain medication and grabbed some ( _Four, maybe? He wasn't paying attention.),_ downing them with the melted ice from the drink he'd had earlier. Maybe more than the  _ **pain-**_ painful  _memories_ struck him hard as he moved back over to the cot. FRIDAY was asking if he needed assistance but he didn't respond, prompting her to say something that Tony didn't get. He rolled his shoulders and felt stitches  _pop,_ and all he could think of was **Afghanistan-** that hellish cave, the  **car battery** in his chest, the  _awful recovery,_ lying helpless in the sand, finding his chest torn to pieces. As if  **physical distress** weren't enough his mind jumped right on too. Before he knew it- which was actually about 45 minutes as everything was blurring together- the  _physical pain_ was near gone. Replaced with just a dull ache behind the intense dosage of acetaminophen; but he was still curled against the wall, sweating like a whore in church and trying to think away the memories. 

He heard the  _hiss_ of an open automatic door- expecting Rhodey or Pepper or even Steve, but instead he saw  **Bucky.** He didn't want anyone to see him this weak, he didn't need _rescuing;_ so what does he get? The one person he'd been wanting to see for  **weeks** on the **one** occasion he didn't want the other anywhere near him. He swallowed hard- he  _ **really**_ didn't need any of the super soldier's  _ **shit**_ right this second.He went to speak but what came out was a sputtering  _hiss_ that vaguely sounded like "Go away."

"FRIDAY told me y' needed assistance." Bucky announced nervously, eyeing the  **wreck** of a man that sat before him. He half-ran to Tony, sitting on the cot and using his flesh arm to sit Tony all the way up. Tony flinched at the contact at first but just grunted and leaned into the other.

Tony watched through heavily lidded eyes as Bucky looked him up and down, gaze landing on the popped stitches. Instinctively, he reached out to touch the wound and it was  _hot_ to the  _touch._ Bucky had enough combat aide training to know that meant the other hadn't been taking his anti-biotics.Tony flinched  **hard** at the touch, practically convulsing. He let out a mangled ' _Ouch'_ and glared at Bucky, features softening immediately as he caught those devilish blue eyes. It was probably the first time they'd both held eye contact in **weeks-** unfortunate circumstances, yeah, but it calmed Tony a bit.  

"Tony..." Bucky started, voice full of concern. His tone made Tony perk up a bit until he head James' next words. "You're a fucking idiot." Tony was way too fatigued to be taken back by Bucky's words- he really wasn't surprised by them. He knew they were true- but what was he doing in that moment to deserve them? His brows gathered- despite the harsh words the contact was helping pull him from his panic- so he curled into it, focusing on the warmth.

"Why'd they even  **let you _out_ of the hospital?** " Bucky asked incredulously and Tony straightened up as much as he could- same old cold Bucky. He was half-surprised that he even responded to the distress call, really. Even when his arm malfunctioned he'd been going to Bruce- (Which was  _ **stupid,**_ because Bruce just used Tony's plans- and did a mediocre job using them. He was a brilliant physicist- but when it came to physically engineering he was  _competent_ and that was **it**. )- so it was clear he was going to every length he could to avoid him. Before Tony could even  **speak** he was being carried bridal style by Bucky, cold steel wrapped around him protectively. 

"Please don't take me back. I'll be fine here." Tony said, weakly slapping Bucky's chest and trying to wriggle out of his grip. " 'm just  _tired."_ he continued. Bucky just held him tighter, carrying him into the elevator and paging a ride to the hospital. He found it incredibly difficult not to blame himself; from his harsh words that put Tony on edge in the first place- the words that caused the avoidance- to his fall on the mission; it all lined right up in his head. On the other hand though, he knew Tony put himself in this position, skipping meds, leaving the hospital early, cutting his bandages. Tony struggled feebly, mumbling. He was totally passed out in Bucky's arms by the time they entered the ambulance. 

 


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like with each chapter this has decreased with quality, and I feel like dirt for that?? So, uh, sorry, for that I guess. But here's the thrilling conclusion.

Tony awoke to being verbally assaulted in the hospital- two of his least favorite things, of course. He glanced around the entirely-too-bright room to see one messy Bucky Barnes. Still suited up for a fight, he covered in dirt, debris, and scratches of all shapes and sized. Despite his words, concern and affection sat in his blue eyes. Tony didn't realize there was another hand clasped in his until it was gone, the owner of the hand's face going red. Tony pouted, looking at the other. He would've asked for Bucky to replace his hand were the next words out of Bucky's mouth: _  
_

"For a genius, you're so fucking stupid, Stark. " 

Tony frowned, looking at the other. Where was the rest of the team? What happened? How long was he out? Questions ran through his mind like bullets, entering as quickly as they left, and his brow gathered as he tried to will the aching away from his skull. "What'd I do to deserve that this time?" he asked- too tired to sound aggressive. Bucky's expression visibly softened and his defensive posture deflated. He sank into the hospital chair and looked at Tony, who's arm was in a sling this time around. He was  **angry** at Tony- really. How could he be so  _reckless?_ Buck realized that he really had no right to be protective over the engineer but nonetheless was. 

"Do you have any regards for your own life, Tony? Did you know you aren't invincible?' he asked, his voice low and concerned. Tony was taken aback by the words. Sympathy and concern was  _clear_ this time- he couldn't misread that- but something in him still held the super soldier in contempt for his words. 

"What's it to you? You're better off without me, you wouldn't wish me on your  _worst enemy."_ Tony asked, voice heavy with sleep and medication. Bucky cringed at the words, standing from the uncomfortable hospital chair and taking a single step forward, towering over Tony.

"What's it to me?" he asked, eyebrow quirked as if to ask ' _you really want to know?'._ A gesture from Tony insinuated he wanted Bucky to continue speaking; so he did. "If I were to _**lose you,**_ Stark, I don't know what I'd do. I know I don't deserve to say that because I'm the _**scum of the earth. I**_ said some awful things to you but I'm not the best with words and I _**really**_ didn't know you." Tony's eyes went wide and he stared up at Bucky, who's Brooklyn accent was clear in his under-confident voice.

"You'd move on, just like everyone else." Tony stated bleakly.

Bucky rolled his eyes. "No. I won't, I can't. Look, I don't want to admit this-" he started, he spoke more rapidly this time, as if something were on his nerves. Tony watched him with pursed lips. "-because you still grate on me. I stand by the fact that you're an _**impulsive ass.**_ However, you're an impulsive ass that I see myself with." He caught Tony's stunned gaze and shrugged, a sharp exhale through his nose almost becoming a chuckle. There was a moment of silence between the two, Tony struggling to totally process James' words. Bucky ran a hand through his long, dusty hair and checked his wrist for a ponytail holder before speaking again.  " _We could be so much mo_ -mmph!"

He began to quote Tony's own words from the night Tony admitted his own feelings, but was surprised to be quickly pulled by his shirt, his own dry lips meeting Tony's. It couldn't have been comfortable for the injured Tony who was leaning up, gripping a loop in the uniform that usually held a weapon with all his might- practically using his grip on the brunet to support himself. Bucky _gently_ pushed back, leaning himself over so Tony was against the bed again, but didn't break the kiss until a few seconds later. His eyes were blown wide and a grin settled on his face for what seemed like the first time in **_weeks._ ** Another silence followed and when it was broken they both spoke at the same time.

" **I'm sorry.** "

Bucky shook his head vehemently, still staying leant over the bed, close to Tony. It struck him just how nice it was to be so close to the other when they weren't fucking or fighting. Don't get him wrong- Tony still made his blood _boil-_ but he **knew** Tony now. He'd learned so much about him just in the weeks that he watched silently. He was a kindhearted person with _**feelings-**_ no matter how much he'd deny that fact. "Don't be sorry." Bucky told Tony.

"Shut up, Barnes..."

 "You took a bullet for me even after I said all those cruel words and I-" Their lips crashed together again, Tony's good arm around Bucky's neck, pulling him down.

"I said: _Shut up,_ Barnes. I've got a headache and you're the **last** person I want to hear talking right now."

Bucky laughed quietly as Tony's words, breaking the kiss and straightening all the way up. There's the Tony he knew and loved. The Tony he _missed._ The infuriatingly flippant charismatic man was returning to himself before Bucky's eyes- if not _cautiously._ It hurt Bucky a little knowing that he himself was the one that took that charisma away from Tony- and filled him with a little bit of pride that he was able to replace it.

Tony smiled up at Bucky, dopey grin on his face. He was still upset with Bucky, but as he felt another wave of sleep begin to subdue him and he grabbed the hand that had been holding his before he awoke his heart swelled. He _**knew**_ they were going to be _so much more._ Maybe he wasn't so unlovable after all.


End file.
